Many years ago I found myself in a place of self hating, self loathing, self criticism and self judgment.
To say I had a lack of self love was an understatement! My body was fueled with continual messages from my ‘self’ about how bad I was, how ugly I was, how fat I was, how no one really accepted or liked me. Not only was my life fraught with traumatic home life difficulties and challenges with both parents’ ill-health; but I would always try to do more and would always be the ‘good friend’ everyone turned to with their problems. As well as holding down a stressful job where I was continually trying to be better, do better, be the ‘best’ – but never feeling like I was getting anywhere…
It was no surprise then that I was drinking too much (and later finally admitted I was an alcoholic), had eating disorders, and was highly stressed…. all of which manifested itself in poor physical and mental/emotional health!
Following the death of both my parents during my twenties, I came to Hong Kong in 1996 – hoping it would be start of my life and travels around the world. But to say it was one of the worst times in my life is another understatement: I had reached the rock bottom of depression. I felt totally isolated and alone in a City that was way too busy and frenetic for a sensitive person like me. I also had very little life force left in me – in short, I had totally given up.
It was by chance or coincidence (some would say) that I was introduced to a healer through a work colleague. And it was then at age 28 that my life began to change….
I had always felt a connection to the unseen and spiritual energies from an early age – even in those times of deep pain and struggle, I was aware that something else existed outside of myself and this ‘body’. And so when I met this healer, I felt like I was coming home. I felt like someone understood me…. and I felt like my life would be OK.
After a few sessions, the spiritual side of me began to really open up. l I started to feel energised. I started to become more positive in mind and my emotional energy was much calmer. Even though I still battled with issues around self worth and esteem, I had less stress, I felt more balanced….and as the ‘healing energy’ worked within me, my health also improved. For the first time in ages I had some energy and vitality! My eyes started to sparkle, there was an aliveness I hadn’t experienced in so long. I was feeling the healthiest I had in years!
It was some time later that my own path as a healer opened up for me. I sat on the ferry one day and suddenly healing energy poured through my hands. All I wanted to do was put my hands on people! but – to save myself from being arrested (!) – I put them upon myself. My hands were like irons, as the hot healing energy was channeled into me. I knew then that my ‘path’ was to heal.
After doing some basic training in various healing systems, it was around the year 2000 that I started to receive healing symbols during my meditations. A short time later, I was told that these symbols formed part of an ancient healing system and that I was to share it with others. I experimented with the system on myself first and found that it was healing things I had long held – it was helping me to shift patterns I had not been able to shift. It was opening me up to something much greater, much vaster than I had ever imagined. It was opening me up to more self love….
This system of healing connects quite simply to the essence of LOVE….. and I now know the greatest healer of all is Love 🙂 Creating self -love has been the greatest thing I have done to help me to a healthier and more fulfilling life. In taking steps to loving myself through accepting my deeper, inner pain and forgiving myself and others, I have become more empowered, much happier, and more aligned to my true self than ever before. And not only that, I have done things I would never have considered myself I could do – as a result of building upon that solid, core, foundation of self love.
Most people shy away from looking within – for the fear of what they may find, or the belief that it is easier to deny or forget about their pain rather than dealing with it.
But as I have discovered – for myself and through the many people I counsel and who come for healing in Hong Kong and abroad – in facing yourself lies the greatest liberation. In acknowledging the pain and suffering, ‘frees’ that energy up, so it doesn’t get stuck within you and ends up creating things like depression, anxiety, fear – or worse, become a serious dis-ease or illness.
Aside from having more energy, better health & well being, feeling good about myself, being more self-respecting, and knowing I have a value and self worth…. I feel proud to say I am loving
myself. And as I feel this sense of self-love, I can extend it out and share it with others.
There are many great tips and tools out there that can help you to a healthier you.
But self-love is a key foundation (at least for myself and my life), and something that I can pass on to my daughter: By being a role model and teaching her self love as a basis for great health, empowerment and happiness, it will continue to help her as she walks her own journey of life.